Hand book for the newly alive
HEADS UP, there is a video for this episode but I've decided that this one will be Patreon only due to the hilarity of my goof ups
Intro
Thank you for tuning into Gvaf Radio, Radio that gives a fuck as you can see we are streaming this live and yes the podcast is still going to be ongoing but now you can catch us on Twitch and Youtube soon. The one difference in the video streams as opposed to the podcast is that there is going to be much less music on the streams but I will still be filling the podcast with all the local and international acts that the show supports and will continue to support in all ways we can.
There is something I would like to mention before I go any further into the show tonight and that is I would like to give respects to John Bain, a Youtube video games critic and youtube personality who went by the name Totalbiscuit has Died from cancer after one hell of a war with the disease on may 24th 2018. He was the person that I learned more about Warhammer 40k than anyone else I know in real life and I always went to his channels to learn about games that I was thinking about buying, A staunch consumer rights critic he would keep the triple A video games publishers and developers feet to the fire speaking out against unsavory business practices when it was needed. He did manage to be polarizing in some regards where when you speak to people in the Video game or youtube community they would either say words of praise or damnation about the man, one of the reasons I loved his content was because the people he angered needed to be angered so good go dear sir and thank you.
An avid Metal fan he had good tastes in music and we shared a love of one particular band that of Fear Factory to which their music was featured on a game we Both enjoyed Carmageddon. John Bain is Survived by his with Genna Bain a youtube and Esports personality in her own right and I do extend not sympathy but my thank you for continuing on what John and you have started, Thank You Genna.
A moment of silence for The Cynical Brit Himself, “Totalbiscuit” John Bain
*two minutes of silence*
Now to get on with some Weaponized snark. David crooks formerly of EA and Bioware interactive spent no time in pissing on the man’s grave before he was even cold . Tackless in saying the world got better a hour after John’s death I would like to remind you that you sir, are a coward. Waiting for someone to die before you lass out over him giving two of you games bad reviews due to shoddy development of the games you sir worked on and you showing just how unprofessional you can be. Perhaps if you spent the time you wasted whining about a bad review and instead went back to the workbench and made a better product you would be praised for a proper game rather than one that was held back by infighting , sabotage and generally the killing of a beloved Franchise. But that would me you would have to have some form of principles, or ethics. It was bad enough that your name is associated with several games that have gone into history as the how not to make a game category you have to come up out of the shit pile and then unload more and laugh and play in it. You are covered in your own shit I do wish to enjoy watching you grow ill from it. You ground your axes with the man after death You are not a man you are simply a child who never got spanked or better yet swallowed.
We’re going to take a break and play some music on the podcast and anyone on the stream I’ll be back shortly.
Hell slide into Huanted by shadow house
Podcast tracklist:
Haunted shadow house
Rollins band: wrong man
Uada: Devoid of light
I just emptied a thirty round magazine of .223 three times at the little fucking orange target form fifty yards away and hit the thing twice, dug a little hole in front of it from the rounds that missed. I gather up my magazine and leave the brass, still too hot and I’m very happy I remembered my gloves, barrel of the ar-15 might be glowing in the dark . the Gun smoke is thick and almost choking. Half way through my second time I put on my mask (a joker smile, of course) to deal with the smell that I’m not used to, my friend is now unloading his new 9mm at the targets, he’s changing up between the nine and the 40 cal sometimes both, sometimes switching hands to get the feel of the gun. I’m back at the vehicle reloading .223 into the magazines, We’re up the hill somewhere in Silverton Oregon off of a logging road where people go to shoot. It’s hot today and we have unloaded an unknown number of rounds between the two of us and three guns, estimated at over two hundred dollars of ammunition was just popped off at the little fucking targets. We call it white trash therapy since the reason I’m up with him is that I needed to be watched, I started to exhibit signs of suicidal tendencies and being alone would not have been good. After three attempts I’ve gotten good at recognizing the signs, I keep a journal of my symptoms so I can go back and recognize when I’m starting to loose my shit. Something like a diary of a madman as Ozzy sang it but instead of turning into a monster it’s looking for when a monster shows up, depression is a motherfucker. It’s something I have to keep up on everyday since now that I’m still alive I need to keep myself that way, unlike two decades ago when I thought I would be dead by twenty one.
Being suicidal since childhood did not prepare me for my thirties, figured me or someone else would have taken care of that future but here I am trying to do what I can and this shit aint easy. For one thing the depression likes to morph itself into new and exciting ways of fucking with you, for example:
Lack of a meaningful career
Health issues from self destructive tendencies
Having to start from zero multiple times
Comparison from others on how they have succeeded where you can’t seem to make a job last more that a year.
Reminding you of all the shit you destroyed trying to destroy yourself.
Fuck social Media. The comparrissions, the reminders and the people who have an “Opinion” on what's affecting you can get hard and you have to walk away from it, even if it is the only way to connect with some people you know and need in your life, you got to find other ways when this just gets too much.
Life is not the joy some people make it out to be, it’s burden when you have serious mental illness and just getting out of bed some days is a battle so we take our victories where we can get them. I appreciate any day I can get out of bed and be productive either for a job that really doesn’t care about me or with my personal projects that mean more to me than money they make to just simple house cleaning. WHen I can be productive man I’m on that shit and can not stop then there are the days where just getting to work is an achievement. You can’t really predict when that switch will happen it just does. I’ve had to learn not to make plans too far out in advance since it might happen on a day where gravity decided that moving was a bad idea and my mind currently at war with itself, joy.
The main thing to hold on to is your survival, and the knowledge that very few will understand what you are going through, even the “professionals” who have that expensive degree on their wall. half the time These professionals know nothing about what it’s really like so we end up trying new and extreme things to help ourselves. From medication, meditation, sedation, self examination, exercise, diets, turning ourselves into pretty knots we will try it all and then some to relieve the symptoms of mental illness, oh yeah forgot to let y’all nuronoramls that there is no cure currently for mental illness so all the help we get is for the symptoms only, including therapy only takes care of the symptoms. So everyday it’s looking for something that works and trying like hell to make sure its not detrimental to us because self medication is another issue to deal with. Medication is a two edged sword where either it works or it fucks you up and sometimes both at the same time, and if it fucks you up then either you’re taking it to get high when things get too hard or worse you start looking at how many you need to take to end it all, thats a WARNING! And back to square one.
Not saying people with mental illness are addicts but if something can make you not feel like shit you’ll do it, sometimes it’s a little sometimes it’s a lot. Not just drugs mind you, anything. Sex, games, movies, books, food, whatever it is that keeps the demon away or at least distracts you from it yelling at you then you do it. If you can find something that hurts no one and makes you happy then at least it's something to curl around for a bit until that
stops working and you need to find something else.
A lot about staying alive after you thought you’d be dead is distractions and finding meaning. Trying to find somewhere where you fit, where you are useful, where you are not a burden is hard and finding that where you can make a living is even harder. In the good ol United States of America mental illness is considered a mild affliction and not serious, basically you should be working even if you can’t say your name. You have to understand that you are more than likely going to need to do this shit while others tell you that you are fine, fuck them. Even if someone has mental illness its not yours so they don't know and again there will be others, contrary to popular belief, who milk illness for all it’s worth and won't get help, refuse to help themselves and expect others to do it for them, yeah you’ll get lumped in with them, again, joy.
Living is shit, dying is worse and you’re stuck in the middle so you really just have to make due with what you have. It doesn’t get easier, anyone who says that is selling something or a twit.
Now for something a bit lighter Our friends over at Ulterium records just dropped a new Album on us from a band I’ve been playing for a bit called Millennial reign .
I’m not a big fan of Power metal, not to say I don’t like the genre it’s just that I’m not as versed in scene as I am Thrash or Black metal, with that being said I kept smiling throughout the review of this record which just dropped on this past friday may 25th. with galloping drums, the high energy riffing and the clean vocals by Travis Wills that bring to mind dragons and warrior kings it just makes me happy. Their guitarist Dave Harvey makes me think of both Randy Rhodes and Jake E. Lee but with Dave’s phrasing of the the music is not a throwback to the 80’s but it does takes from it’s better elements and creates a modern sonic landscape .
funny enough I listened to the record while I was playing video games and it fits rather well, again I’m really not trying to make this a review filled with Cliche but dammit it fits.
The band has been making the circles in the Christian scene touring with Stryper which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself and I REALLY would love see them live. I was afraid I was going to have to give this review a mediocre score because like some other genre many of the bands don’t make their mark as other than a sound-a-like, but Millennial Reign isn’t a sound alike they are Themselves completely. I’m honestly enjoying the album whether from nostalgia and snippets of imagery of george lynch, W.A.S.P and Man O War dance in my head? or it could be that these guys out of Fort Worth Texas are just that good.
With each track clocking in at around five minutes I didn’t notice the time I spent listening thinking I just went half way through the record instead of damn near the end. A Lot of Power Metal outfits tend to abuse the term “Epic” too much and drag songs into a self absorbed prog masterbation territory where they don’t belong. Not Millennial Reign the songs are “just right” and I do believe they owe a lot of that to good production and mixing , not once did I think a song was past its time length and included some sort of sonic showing off that I hear in a lot of power metal.
So bottom line, yes I recommend The great Divide to any Metal fan who still remembers that metal isn’t just about dark themes, and all crunch all the time and enjoys a hotwired solos and just the pure joy of rock and roll. I’d like to go ahead and play a stand out track for you hear is wound in hand.
Slide into promo pic of band play
Wound in hand
Podcast track listing
Millennial Reign: Wound in hand
The Secret light: Circuits collide
Grey for days :In significance
IF you are just now tuning into the stream we just played Wound in hand by Millennial Reign and if you are listening in on the podcast we also played Secret light Circuit collide and Grey for days In significance .
I wanted to go over talking about the dead and something I had read a few years back that I thought was perfect.
A few years back I had borrowed the book Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card with the intention of tearing the book and the arthur apart. Instead I walked away reading one of the best Science Fiction books I had ever read even if it was written by an unabashed bigot. Surprisingly The book talked about diversity and harmony among other different than ourselves and one thing that followed in the sequels to the original book was the idea of the Speaker for the dead.
The speaker was allowed to investigate the deceased life and to speak at their funeral about their life, good, bad, and indifferent not quite passing judgment on that person but definitely not sanctifying the deceased either. Speaking of the person's life in a neutral tone is something rare where in western society at least it seems we have people who want to remember a person as either the best or the worst all while either skipping over the truth or out right exaggerating any past actions. There is also a manner of tact and timing that seems to be missing. I’ve read the comments and admittedly at least once I threw a stone at the recently deceased in some cases I smilled. It seems to be a form a sadistic glee when people call the dead scum of the earth with a slimy smile and knowledge the person in question can not retort you since dead is dead and comments are forever.hell I’ve seen it before the body is even cold in some cases, look at David Crooks
Some people do it in a way to tear down an idol others have with reminding people who look up to said graven image that they were a racist, or a misogynistic even if the claims can not be substantiated almost like if, they are not happy then no one can be. I want to say doing that is wrong but I couldn’t tell when its right to do so and really it feels that some people do it because they can and an ethical or moral right to be a twit takes over and speaking ill of people is not just something to be done but must be done in some short of snide righteousness.
Someone died, someone loved that person no matter whether or not you hated them for good reason or paltry excuses and as a species it might be better if we simply celebrated death of the target of one's hatred in private as to not make yourself one to others.
Just a bit of a thought but let's take a break and those listening on the podcast you get to hear three in a row , those on the stream here’s Ethereal sea with trigger happy humans
Eathreal sea: trigger happy humans
bitter lake: Frozen Landscapes (incorrectly credited as Black Lake on recording)
Die Robot: Human Eyes
I would like to thank all of you either watching or listening in You are one of the reasons I do this, that and I just got to talk some shit into A Mic and play music BUT I want to think our Patreons Jimmy, Heather, Topher you three are helping keep this going and we are ten dollars away from having all the month expenses paid for so if you would like to help out the show consider being a patreon links are in the descriptions and you'd be surprised how far a dollar can go and I would like to give the shout out to our one time donors as well
Cordellia
Ron and Rose
Nyssa
Falicia
Erin
Vic
Nick and Tanya
Damian
Thank you all for giving what you can and I want to do more for you when I am able to but for now I would like to go ahead and end the show as customary for me with an urging for compassion and understanding of those around you, to please be mindful of your actions and how they affect others in ways you can not see. As GVAF Tradition we will be ending tonights show with 16 Volts the man comes around the johnny cash classic cover and I am David The Rev oni brown, and I’m signing off
16 volt the mad comes around
Podcast Hidden track.
Well, at least I have the audio. This week I get heavy and not in a down tuned way but I tackle death in several ways and I call out a game Dev for being a waste of flesh and oxygen.
I was a little wound up this week. I pay Tribute to A Games Critic and Youtuber who I credit as being an influence on my content and give you a True rock and roll dork review of Millennial Reign newish effort The Great Divide and all the rock and roll I think you should know about
Podcast tracklist:
Haunted shadow house
Rollins band: wrong man
Uada: Devoid of light
Millennial Reign: Wound in hand
The Secret light: Circuits collide
Grey for days :In significance
Eathreal sea: trigger happy humans
bitter lake: Frozen Landscapes (incorrectly credited as Black Lake on recording)
Die Robot: Human Eyes
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*hidden track*
